In cultural parlance, "big dog" refers to a highly aggressive, domineering style. This is not the type of "big dog energy" that I am talking about today. In fact, I wish to rebrand that style to "yappy dog energy" because it tends to be more show than substance.

In mediation, employing a "yappy dog" strategy rarely produces a sensible negotiation. Starting off (or staying) with aggressive positions can backfire by causing the other party to react, not respond, to your offer. This produces a dynamic in mediation that is exhausting for everyone - the millimetre by millimetre movement of two dug-in parties towards a mutually-acceptable number.

I recently advised a lawyer that rather than respond to an aggressive stance from opposing counsel, her clients should channel "big dog energy". What I meant by that was the energy of a calm, almost bored, larger dog in contrast to a dog racing around the room doing "zoomies." The big dog does not absorb the little dog's mood. The big dog is chilling and lets the little dog tire itself out.

So too can a party stay true to its negotiation strategy no matter what the other side does. Doing so sends the message: "We are not persuaded by your barking. We have a sensible view of what is reasonable and it won't change because you are loud or insistent or dramatic." The trick here is to be willing to offer reasonable numbers even if you hate the idea of "rewarding bad behaviour."

The big dog knows that it's only a matter of time before the yappy dog gets tired. It can chill. Just because you can bark loudly, it doesn't mean you have the biggest teeth.

Photo by amin rezvan on Unsplash